• Matthew J Fowler

Matt, Are you ok?

This is going to be a very deep blog so apologise in advance for that. The reason why I havent been doing the blogs for a while is because I was trying to do so many things at once and taking to much on. I was doing this because I didnt want to feel alone and rubbish. I have had many personal issues that have reassembled again after I thought I had them beat. Depression being one of them.

I can honestly tell you right now that covid and the way the world is at the moment is taking its toll on my mental health. I wake up in the morning feeling numb. My head feels like an empty shelf were opportunities and good things were happening and my path was clear but now there is gaint bolder blocking my path that I cant get round.

Help at the moment seems to far away and I spend most of my nights at home with the lights off in my bed with thoughts of what am I doing with my life spinning around my head.

When I go out and about I feel like everyone and everything is in a glass bubble that is so fragile if I was to reach and out touch it my whole world would come down. I cant seem to relate or have a real sense of interaction with anyone and I feel like cut off with out a tribe.

I am honestly sick of telling people how hard I am trying too because sometimes when I ask for help they dont believe me. Now I know this sounds really deep but I am sharing this with you because if your feeling the same it's ok. Everything is pretty rubbish right now and the only thing I hope you do is look after yourself and do what you need to do.

It feels like there is no wind in my sails right now and I feel like my mojo has gone. I guess its just a case of taking it one step at a time not one day not minute one second and just doing what ever it takes to weather this storm.

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